Imagine for a moment that the one your soul loves, is intently and longingly studying your face while you sleep.  Their gaze never leaves your face, but rather takes in every feature of your face and form.  All through the night, they watch your chest rise and fall with each breath while waiting with intense anticipation for the moment that light from the nearby window gently caresses your face and brings your eyes fluttering open.  Imagine their scarcely contained excitement at sharing the surprises that they have so carefully planned for your day together.  The light in their eyes and the brilliance of their smile awakens in you your own…

Well, today came much sooner than I had anticipated.  It’s funny how God works sometimes, but if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that obedience and worship moves Him. Just last week I was writing about how thankful I was that God was using my time at my job to be available for people.  I also said that I didn’t know how long He would keep me there.  Almost as soon as my post was published, I felt a growing sense of……..something.  I had described it to a friend as “restless contentment”.  I was content in allowing God to work things out in his timing, but I was also…

  If you’ve listened to enough Christian radio, or sat in enough church services, you have inevitably heard the phrase, “God, break my heart for what breaks yours”.  It’s become an all too common catchphrase that I have heard many just throw about.  I have to ask: have you taken the time to really understand what you are saying?  Do you really know what you’re asking for? I suppose for many, today was just another “manic Monday”, but for some, today was the day that time just stopped, confusion bewildered a mind not daring to comprehend, and lives were forever changed.  I saw it happen again today, in the place…

This month has been an absolute bear for work.  So many miles driven, so many hours away from home, so many odd circumstances, and what has appeared like nothing to show for it.  When I took this design job a few months ago, I knew that I would be sent into many different people’s homes, all of them with different backgrounds and needs.  I believed right from the start that God set up every encounter, knowing who I needed interact with and why.  Sometimes it is straight business, sometimes people don’t even show up for their own appointments, but there’s always a purpose…….I really believe that.  It still doesn’t make…

While enjoying my weekly morning breakfast with a group of friends last week, I mentioned that widowhood was something that happened to me, but it’s not who I am, and it doesn’t define me.  Unbeknownst to me, another friend who lost her husband earlier this year overheard what I said and shared with me a few days later that it had an impact on her and her thinking.  I am incredibly humbled to help encourage anyone in any way I can, but it also made me realize just how much people need to hear this……… You are NOT your trauma. Any time tragedy strikes, or difficult times arise, and your…

Just last month, my precious daughter, Zara, turned three.  Three years ago, we were so incredibly grateful that Jonathan had the chance to meet his beautiful baby girl.   I was honestly stunned while reliving that moment over in my mind.  It just didn’t seem possible that so much time had already passed, but one look at my beautiful girl, who is long past being a baby at this point, delivered a sharp blow of reality.  Time.  It’s such a puzzling construct.  I was reminded that it is ever fleeting, and it marches on with a dizzying pace.  It’s a precious friend one second, and the cruelest enemy the next.  It…

It’s been a whole year.  On December 29th, 2019, my favorite person for over 32 years left this world behind.  I am “expected” to miserable today.  Sad, inconsolable, despondent……you name it.  I’ve heard it all, but I’m not experiencing any of those things.  My grieving started the day we received Jonathan’s terminal diagnosis.  For over two years, I dreamt, prayed, and hoped that Jonathan would receive a miracle here on earth, and be allowed to stay with me and our children.  I deeply believed in that possibility and lived out my life with faith for it.  That diagnosis was still there in my face though, especially with every doctor or…

Three years ago, on September 12th, 2017, our crazy journey with Jonathan’s health started.  While it’s stunning to think that he has already been gone for over eight months, I can’t help but be aware of how differently things could have turned out if God wasn’t watching over all of us that dreadful day.  As many of you know, Jonathan was out of town on business in Plano, Texas, when the seizures started presenting themselves.  He was only about an hour away from hopping into his rental car and heading to the airport.  If he had seized while driving, most likely he would have died that day, and someone else…

After Jonathan was placed under hospice care in May of last year, with the expectation that he would likely only have a couple months left to live, prayers immediately started going up all around the country that he would be able to meet his beautiful baby girl, to be born in September.  Jonathan desperately wanted to hold his daughter, and tell her how much her daddy loved her.  All those prayers were answered on September 6, 2019, when our beautiful Zara Gabrielle made her big debut. I woke up that September morning with such a tumultuous mix of emotions.  It was not going to be a normal labor and delivery. …

Last night, my evening became more eventful than I would have liked.  It was a pretty normal Thursday evening to start: drop Abigail off at ballet, drive home and feed the two littles, head back out the door with the littles to go pick up Abigail after dance class……..and that’s when the wheels kinda flew off the bus.  I was in a hurry, and I have gotten into a bad habit of dropping my keys and handbag in the front seat so I have both hands free to load up baby Zara in the back.  I told Zander to go around to his side of the car and to climb…