But…….Isn’t It Time?
Just last month, my precious daughter, Zara, turned three. Three years ago, we were so incredibly grateful that Jonathan had the chance to meet his beautiful baby girl. I was honestly stunned while reliving that moment over in my mind. It just didn’t seem possible that so much time had already passed, but one look at my beautiful girl, who is long past being a baby at this point, delivered a sharp blow of reality.
Time. It’s such a puzzling construct. I was reminded that it is ever fleeting, and it marches on with a dizzying pace. It’s a precious friend one second, and the cruelest enemy the next. It can be treasured, or it can be disdained. Time knows no master and is loyal to no man. Even so, what time does not possess is power, and yet we ascribe so much power to it.
I’m sure that you have heard the cliche, “Time heals all wounds”. If time was all that was required to heal, bitter hearts would eventually soften, grudges would be forgotten, the pain of broken dreams would be released, and hatred would become a thing of the past. If time had that kind of power, grief would be so much less devastating, but that isn’t reality, so why do we offer up this trite and untrue verbal band-aid? I think that maybe it is a way that we subconsciously let ourselves or others off the hook. If healing only requires time, that means we don’t have to actually work through it. That can briefly feel like such a blessed lifeline when we are in the fresh throes pain, but it’s deceptive. Unaddressed pain and grief always cycle back around, and harden the heart just a little bit more.
Time really is NOT the answer. In order to truly heal, it requires participation on our part. I can tell you that I am still standing today because God is SO good, and He’s got me. One of the hardest, simplest, and most painful things I have ever done was to completely trust that God knows what He’s doing in my life and in the lives of my children, and to give up the deep-seated human need to understand “why?”. I’m a very analytical and logical person. I think things through at all angles and problem solve like my life depends on it. I want to know how things work and why they work. This time, there would be no clear-cut answers. As the years have passed, some things have been revealed to me, and I understand more than I did three years ago, but I will never fully know all the answers. Surrendering that need early on has brought me the deepest peace and such freedom! Trusting that God is doing a mighty work at all times in all ways has been essential. I honestly never experienced the deep love and care of God on this level before my life was shattered. I wouldn’t trade one ounce of my pain. God doesn’t waste our pain….not ever! I am overwhelmed by how God has taken such heartache and brought forth so much growth and promise. He has been so faithful through each new wave of grief that has presented itself. Some of my children are just now becoming old enough to realize what they have lost, and it’s been so hard. I can only hope and pray that I set an example of peaceful surrender to them as they navigate their own difficult journeys. I choose to continue to trust and fall into that daily dose of grace.
No, it’s not about time. Time as a healer will deceive and disappoint you, but there is hope for your heart! I want to encourage that person out there who has lost a loved one, the man or woman whose spouse has walked away, the parent grieving the loss of a child, the lonely one who feels the pain of desertion or invisibility, the child who was rejected by a parent, the pastor who feels used and abused, or the depressed and downtrodden one; God sees you and feels your pain! Trust Him with your hurt, and it will not be wasted. Stand with Him through your battle, but let Him fight the war. The most difficult but rewarding thing you will ever do is to rest in Him and praise Him through it all. It can be a daily struggle. In the most gut wrenching of times, it might be minute by minute. It’s so worth it! You are so loved, and you’re still here, so He’s still writing your story. God’s got this!! He’s got YOU!
“You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. (Those old enemies, pain, grief, and fear). This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.” Psalm 56:8-13 ESV.