Birthday Blessings
After Jonathan was placed under hospice care in May of last year, with the expectation that he would likely only have a couple months left to live, prayers immediately started going up all around the country that he would be able to meet his beautiful baby girl, to be born in September. Jonathan desperately wanted to hold his daughter, and tell her how much her daddy loved her. All those prayers were answered on September 6, 2019, when our beautiful Zara Gabrielle made her big debut.
I woke up that September morning with such a tumultuous mix of emotions. It was not going to be a normal labor and delivery. Everyone knew that I needed to labor without Jonathan there, or I would be continually focused on his needs and medication schedules. I knew it, and even Jonathan knew it, but that didn’t make it any easier. We had always been an incredible team, and I always counted on him through my long births. I tried to just stay focused on the fact that it was such a miracle that he was still with us, and that God would be standing in the gaps for both of us, as would so many loving and dear people. The midwives arrived at my home around noon, just as we had planned, and I was induced. I labored for three short and practically painless hours surrounded by my supportive birth team. When it came time for delivery, Jonathan was able to join me and witness the birth of our long anticipated youngest child. The whole day, start to finish, was nothing short of a miracle – from the ease and brevity of labor, the joy of seeing Jonathan hold our daughter, and the miracle of Zara herself.
Today marks one year as we celebrate Zara’s first birthday. This morning she woke up shortly before 5am, something she hasn’t done in awhile, and we rocked, cuddled, tickled, and laughed for an hour and a half. I feel like I’m the one who really got the birthday present! Throughout the day I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that she had been sent to us, and a deep ache that I couldn’t share this special milestone with Jonathan. Zara is an incredible gift. I cannot begin to tell you how she brightens up every single day with her electric smile and loving nature. She unites us and reminds us that we have a future. She reminds me of how loved I’ve been by her dad. I simply cannot imagine my life without her now. I know that her daddy was watching today, and is so proud of his little girl. As she grows, I just can’t wait to share all about the wonderful man who fought so hard to be here with her and her family.
I’ve been sitting with so many memories and emotions this past week. So much has transpired in the last year. My head spins when I really sit and think about it. So much have I lost…….so much have I gained. Through it all, God has been by my side seeing me through and giving me hope. I see so many life lessons played out before me in my baby daughter. I’m undone at how she loves and trusts me unconditionally. I have really been thinking about that for some time. All God ever asked or required of us was childlike trust – trust in His love, trust His faithfulness, trust His goodness, and trust His plan. I’m so thankful that He gives us the grace every day to fully surrender to Him, because it’s just not in our “grown-up” nature to do it on our own. As the years pass, I pray that I continue to learn from the beautiful children in my life, and that I display a deep love and trust for our Heavenly Father. It’s such a monumental task, raising up these young ones, but it’s so very worth it. My heart is so full tonight. I have indeed been loved and blessed! Happy birthday, beautiful girl! God’s strength and grace be upon you all your days!
CLICK TO SEE DADDY AND HIS BABY GIRL