Worth It

Three years ago, on September 12th, 2017, our crazy journey with Jonathan’s health started.  While it’s stunning to think that he has already been gone for over eight months, I can’t help but be aware of how differently things could have turned out if God wasn’t watching over all of us that dreadful day.  As many of you know, Jonathan was out of town on business in Plano, Texas, when the seizures started presenting themselves.  He was only about an hour away from hopping into his rental car and heading to the airport.  If he had seized while driving, most likely he would have died that day, and someone else on the road may have lost their life as well.  If it happened while on the airplane flying home, they most likely would have not been able to stop his severe grand mal seizures, and even an emergency landing somewhere may have been too late.  Add to that that Jonathan did not have all his affairs in order, and it could have been disastrous.  Jonathan was the big strong guy who kinda thought he was invincible.  He always talked about how he wanted to live to be a hundred years of age.  He had big dreams and a lot that he wanted to accomplish, but he didn’t get to live to be a hundred.  He didn’t even live to see forty-three, but God did give him time, and in that time, he accomplished some very important things.  He was able to get his affairs in order, and he was able to spend time talking to his kids and telling them how much they meant to him.  There is something to be said for leaving it all on the table and leaving nothing unsaid, for having no regrets because you didn’t say that one thing that someone needed to hear.  He was here for the pregnancy and birth of his youngest child, and he made sure that I knew just how much he loved me.  Each one of us comes to this earth not knowing how many days we’ll be given.  Honestly, do we really want to know?  Besides, what is required of us is not counting down our days, but rather making sure that our time here makes a difference for someone, be it ten minutes, ten years, or ten times ten years.  Jonathan made a difference for me, and I am incredibly grateful for the time I was given with this very special man.  So today, my memories weren’t just of the hard things that happened on September 12th.  I have run through so many memories in my mind today…..some funny, some happy, and definitely some sad, but I wouldn’t give any of it away.  I honestly don’t know how I can say that.  I’m sure it’s only by the grace of God, but I’d do it all over again for the 32 years I got to have Jonathan in my life. 

Jonathan, know that YOU WERE WORTH IT.  Our life together was worth it, and even though the pain can still be so raw at times, I would never want to not have you in my heart.  That’s where you’ve always been, and that’s where you’ll always be.  I love you…….